I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
