I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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