Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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