In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
