Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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