I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
