You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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