C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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