Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I checked into jail on foursquare
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
