I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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