Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
