Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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