I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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