i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
