how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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