just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
