one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
