what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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