Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
