you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
