I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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