this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
