oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
