Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
