i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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