why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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