this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
