Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
