Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
