i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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