For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
