It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
