So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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