i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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