I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
