1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
