you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
