You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
