i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
