At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
