Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
