So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
