He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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