he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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