She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
