Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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