from now on my penis is your penis
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
