Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How does one acquire holy water?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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