I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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