babies were throwing up all over the place
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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