Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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