if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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