all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
