dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
