my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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